


Behind Blue Eyes

by TheEmoVanity



Category: The Boys (Comics), The Boys (TV 2019), The Boys (TV 2019) RPF
Genre: Behind Blue Eyes, Gen, Songfic, limp bizkit - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22481611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmoVanity/pseuds/TheEmoVanity
Summary: "Maeve’s comments from earlier echo in my head throughout the night. She’s becoming soft. Do I feel guilty? Should I?"A look into the fucked up mind of Homelander.
Kudos: 7





	Behind Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Behind Blue Eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/555070) by Limp Bizkit. 



> Disclaimer: Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational, or personal use is in favor of fair use.

I don’t have parents, nor siblings, nor cousins. I never had any friends. Vouglebaum always said that they were weaknesses and I would be stronger without it. But that’s all he ever cared about. My strength. My power. The first time I saw a family was when I was being tutored about Thanksgiving. Oh, how naive I was. To imagine that I could actually have that as a child. No. They wanted a living weapon, and that’s exactly what they got. 

**_No one knows what it's like_ **

**_To be the bad man_ **

**_To be the sad man_ **

**_Behind blue eyes_ **

It’s one-thirty in the afternoon and Stillwell is on some business call. I stand in the hallway, admiring my portrait for a moment before peering through the wall to see her. I focus my ears on what she’s saying. 

“Yes, sir,” Stillwell said. “ _My supers_ are the greatest, they can handle anything. This will definitely get them to let us join the army _.”_

Ugh. Stillwell and that damn stupid army bill. I couldn’t give a shit about it. If we really wanted someone dead, I’d fly to them and kill them myself before Congress or _anyone_ even realized it. 

“Homelander,” Stillwell softly said. “I know you’re watching.” I must’ve gotten lost in my thoughts and didn’t realize she hung up the phone. “Come on in.”

I walk around the wall and into her office. I only make it to the couch and nonchalantly say “Madelyn.” While I pretend that I wasn’t just spying on her.

“I have good news!” she says with a smile. She gets up from her desk to meet me near the couch. 

“An American plane has just been taken over,” she says with no emotion.

“And that’s good for us _how_?” I ask.

“They can’t seem to scramble any jets fast enough to reach the plane” Stillwell starts. “But _you_ and Maeve could fly and be there in minutes. Once you two save the passengers, Congress will _have to_ allow supes into the military.” 

“Hmm”. I collect my thoughts. The plan is pretty brilliant. Maeve and I kill some bad people and do our usual schtick. Madelyn gets what she wants, as always. Win-win. I give Madelyn a nod and my award-winning smile before leaving. 

* * *

**Flight 37 Incident**

* * *

Stillwell was furious, to say the least. Her plan had failed. _Her supes_ failed. How will they get into the military now?

* * *

I saved us. I _always_ save us.

At the funeral press conference, I did what I constantly do. I spewed some bullshit the common people will believe in order to get them to support us. Yada Yada, “the military _should’ve_ called us.” I explain. “Then _maybe_ those one hundred and twenty-three people could have been saved”.

**_And no one knows what it's like_ **

**_To be hated_ **

**_To be fated_ **

**_To telling only lies_ **

Madelyn isn’t happy the next time I see her, but she can’t be upset for long. I spun this like a motherfucker. The public supports us now more than ever. 

“You were supposed to save them!” she shouted. “What the hell Homelander!?”

“Don’t worry,” I shrugged her off. “The public loves us and that’s all that matters.”

“Homelander–” she started. “The Deep told me there were scorch marks on the plane…” I tensed at the words. Fuck. She didn’t need to know. “And before you get mad at him, don’t. I needed to know what happened.” 

Shit. I’ll have to deal with him later. 

“Look, we tried” I start. “They just got the best of us.” I shrug my shoulders and wave my arms up to emphasize my point. 

Of all the possible things she could’ve done, I did not expect her to laugh. “You’re the fucking Homelander for Christ’s sake!” she giggled. “Why didn’t you save them as I asked and why the Hell would you laser the plane?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” I said with as much disdain as possible. This bitch didn’t care that the hostages didn’t survive. She only cares about us following her plans, our publicity, and how much money we make her.. Even though the public loves us right now, she still complains. “Like you said. I’m the fucking Homelander. I can do whatever the _fuck_ I want”. With that, I left Madelyn in her office and retired to my room. 

**_But my dreams they aren't as empty_ **

**_As my conscience seems to be_ **

**_I have hours, only lonely_ **

**_My love is vengeance_ **

**_That's never free_ **

_“How can you sleep knowing we left all those people to die!?” Maeve paces the office of the Seven. “We should’ve at least saved the little girl!” She turns and faces the window. “I regret it.”_

Maeve’s comments from earlier echo in my head throughout the night. She’s becoming soft. Do I feel guilty? Should I? Yeah they died, and it’s unfortunate, but honestly, they would’ve all died anyway. No one on that plane was going to stop those terrorists. At least I gave those people a bit of hope before they went under.

Voulegabuam didn’t train or teach me to be empathetic. What did I learn? How to kill. Jesus Christ is our Lord and savior. I learned how to strangle someone to death by only hugging them, and that baseball is my _favorite_ sport. I was told my real parents abandoned me to be a lab rat. Thanksgiving is only for real families. I was taught to effectively laser someone running away from me. The American flag; also known as stars and stripes is supposed to inspire hope. And whenever I needed comfort, I had my good ‘old baby blanket. No hugs, affection, or real emotional connections. Just a blanket. 

So when Maeve asks me how can I sleep after letting one hundred twenty-three people die? I sleep under the blankets in my bed with the light off and the window ever so slightly cracked.

**_No one knows what it's like_ **

**_To feel these feelings_ **

**_Like I do,_ **

**_And I blame you!_ **

**_No one bites back as hard_ **

**_On their anger_ **

**_None of my pain and woe_ **

**_Can show through_ **

Sometimes I wish I could be human. A _normal_ human that is. To have a wife, a child. True friends to barbeque with or neighbors to borrow sugar from. Hah. Who am I kidding? I love the power that I have. I’m the strongest man on Earth. I’m the fucking Homelander. Though, in reality, it would be nice to have someone on my level for once. Maeve is great, but even she fears me. I’d love to meet a person fearless enough to test me. 

**_But my dreams they aren't as empty_ **

**_As my conscience seems to be_ **

**_I have hours, only lonely_ **

**_My love is vengeance_ **

**_That's never free_ **

Press. Rescue someone. Smile and wave. Repeat. The money is wonderful, but this formula does get boring. I need something new. Someone new. These typical street thugs aren’t going to do. 

**_Discover_ **

A supe!

 ** _Discover_ **

Fuck. Horrible idea. Unless it’s some silly shit like that race A-Train did. Besides, I can easily overpower all of the supes here. _Here!_

**_Discover_ **

That’s the problem. All the supes are here and no one would dare cross me. So I just need to go somewhere else. 

**_Discover_ **

Hm. After an attack on America like Flight 37, congress is going to have it’s guard up. So if a terrorist supe emerged from an enemy country, then only _I_ would be able to stop them! 

**_Discover_ **

This plan is brilliant. And that just might be the edge to push supes into the military. 

* * *

I take one of the extra Compound V vials with me and fly straight east, not stopping until I reach one of the US military outposts in the Middle East.

I see a group of US soldiers about to enter a building and land a few feet in front of them. “Thank you guys for being out here,” I start. “You’re all so brave and amazing. We thank you guys every single day back home.” I give them my best smile. “But let me handle this one.” I turn and start to walk toward the building but then quickly face back and shout, “just remember **_you guys_ **are the real heroes!”. I deserve an Oscar. 

**_No one knows what it's like_ **

**_To be mistreated,_ **

**_To be defeated_ **

**_Behind blue eyes_ **

**_No one knows how to say_ **

**_That they're sorry_ **

**_And don't worry_ **

**_I'm not telling lies_ **

Since I’m here I might as well clean up this filthy mess. I fly into the building and as I land atop a staircase I see all the building’s inhabitants start to flee. Not on my watch.

I laser the man running left. I laser the two men jumping off the railing across from me. I punch the man to my right, who was hiding behind a box, sending him flying. I continue to laser the rest of the building until all, but the one I came here for, is dead. 

He’s still working on a package when I reach him. It smells like a bomb. I grab him by the neck and throw him up against the wall, never loosening my grip. I use my other hand to pull out the Compound V and jam it into his neck. I wait a few moments for him to blink or something but there’s only dead silence.

“Wake up,” I command. “I need you.” I shake him a little more gently but continue to get no response. “Oh well. I’ll find another.” I casually toss him toward a stack of boxes that are met with a series of rapid beeps. “Oh shit.” 

I fly straight up and out of the building. The glow of the explosion is a bright red, nearly orange. Almost like the perfect pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving. At least, I assume that’s what it would be like. I wouldn’t know. My plan failed, but there’s plenty of criminals and terrorists for me to test on. One will eventually have to work. 

I land by the soldiers to reassure them. “Thank you again for being out here and sorry about the fireworks,” I said with a laugh. “I’m glad you’re all okay, and that none of you were hurt.” 

They give the typical default responses of “thank you Homelander” and “you’re our hero!” 

I start to hover and fly a few feet into the air when I hear some footsteps approaching from the just-exploded building. The man that I had injected was now walking out of the building with no visible injuries. The fire was surrounding his body, yet not affecting him whatsoever. He’s a supe. 

My plan succeeded.

**_But my dreams they aren't as empty_ **

**_As my conscience seems to be_ **

**_I have hours, only lonely_ **

**_My love is vengeance_ **

**_That's never free_ **

I was excited, ecstatic even, I was finally going to have something decent enough to fight. At least it would cure my boredom for now. 

Not only will America continue to love me but when I start taking out these global-terrorist supes, _everyone_ will love me. 

It’s good to be me. 

**_No one knows what it's like_ **

**_To be the bad man,_ **

**_To be the sad man_ **

**_Behind blue eyes._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. This was just my take on how HL's mind works.


End file.
